chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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