Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize