Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
