My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
