We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
