I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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