He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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