I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
