your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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