Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
