Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
