Please, let me fuck your mom
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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