Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
