Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
