i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
