Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
