he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
