I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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