took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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