guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
