i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
