He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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