Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
It was confusing and full of hummus
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
