I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i now understand why vodka
I am never drinking with the goths again.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
