Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
