I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
