Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Drake has all the answers
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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