I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
