yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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