i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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