you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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