You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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