i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
