my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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