We need to rekindle our bromance
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
