i think my tv is drunk
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize