This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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