I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
