I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
