3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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