my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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