The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
