I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
