pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
