I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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