It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Randomize
