Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
