dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Boobs are out for the taking
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
