Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
