I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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