hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
