I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize