Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
