If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
someone owes me an orgasm
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
