She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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