I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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