I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Randomize