There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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