If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
