direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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