mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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