I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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