I've blown a few things in my day
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
