He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
