She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just gift wrapped bread.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize