Buhtt sex?
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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