pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
