I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Randomize