If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
