I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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