I cockslap morals
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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