dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
where are my eyebrows?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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