You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
