It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
