weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
