Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
