He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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