I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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