My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize