Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
