I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
