Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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