I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
They have beer where we have blood.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
