If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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