Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
