It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
