do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
