I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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