grandma shit on top of the toilet
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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