ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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