I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
